Thursday, January 27, 2005


Filing All Day

The unfortunate run in with MR Law last night has re-invigorated my commitment to getting my life in order. So all day today (except for my lunch break) I've been opening up things and throwing things away and putting them into folders and into folders within folders. It has been somewhat amazing. Also, I've noticed some glaring absences in my life:

I do not have any insurance cards. Or, registration. At least, I cannot find them. I am miffed about this. I am insured, and I'm fairly sure my registration has not expired yet, but what the hell? Where did it all go? Didn't I put it in my car? Oh, and good luck finding them in these horribly stuffed, unnavigable closets where the ceilings are too sloped to be under. I guess I just won't drive my car. I called up my insurance and they said they'd send me new cards. But how long will that take?

Son of an a hole!



on the way home from Gus's house, we got pulled over. Why? Chris "ran" a yellow light. And . . . I didn't have proof of insurance. Woops! The kind officer let us go because we were only four blocks from home. I'm a bit shook up about the whole thing, except that I know that I have insurance (but not proof--that I could find in that quagmire of a glove compartment in which were my ex boyfriend's W-2s from college and photographs from tour) and that Chris was OK to be driving.

The long arm of the law . . . Chris played like he didn't know the rules because he was from Texas, and I acted like the sweet girlfriend that was grateful that her boyfriend would drive her car home. But the officer inspired me to organize my glove compartment, and that's a good thing! Even Martha went to jail, and we just dodged a fairly expensive bullet. Like ninjas.

Monday, January 24, 2005

ah, Vacation was long, parts of it relaxing, parts of it exhausting. Back to work, back to life, back to the kitties.

maybe, as Shauna suggested tonight, my "goals" aren't what our society considers "goals," but something different.

The roomba worked well, but kept getting stuck on the foot pedal to my hi-hat.

Thursday, January 13, 2005



Alexia's mom, Carol, lives in Bristol, a small town in Rhode Island. And that's where I am right now. It's a beautiful house, and it's so nice to be here with these ladies. But I'm really tired, because I couldn't for the life of me fall asleep. Every worry and concern in my life lept into my head, one after the other, like a very short playlist on shuffle:repeat. I feel good, though, going through this bizarre catharsis. I'm listing things I need to start doing in my head, ways to take care of myself, stand up for myself, restrain myself. But now I just want to take a nap while everyone is at work.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005



I stayed inside mom's apartment all day long, only leaving to do my laundry upstairs, and that was enough of an anxiety producing event for me. Tomorrow I fly (yes, fly) to Providence to visit Alexia and her mom. I'm excited to see them both.

I wish I could say that I've done something with myself, but not really. I did buy something with my Amazon gift certificate my Aunt Anita gave me for the holidays. It's so cool, and I'm really excited about it. What is it? Well, it's shaped like a flying saucer, and it's red, and it knows how to get itself out of trouble. And . . . it SUCKS! That's right, Merry Christmas to me, I bought a robotic vacuum cleaner. What was I thinking? I think it was because of this comic.

But my friends, you should feel free to call me, day or night, as I am bored as a gourd.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

This morning I got up before nine (which is hella early for me, even back home) and got all packed up and ready to go. Mom and I left Ruth and Marc's place and drove to her apartment in Chestnut Hill, which is technically inside Philadelphia, but not exactly. It's sort of like Greenwich, Connecticut, with its fancy shops and cobblestones. Mom's apartment is small, but nice. It feels like mom's place, with the same paintings and red furniture and tiny little things such as red vases and red mini birds. I feel this strange guilt, living in a nicer place than my mother, but I guess I'm sharing it with two other people. She has cable, and DVDs and stuff. It's comfortable, if a little small for two.

We drove downtown, to a lesbian bar called Sisters, for brunch. Mom does not like driving in the city, she has horrible direction, but I navigated us to a parking garage, and then to the bar. It was very cold outside.

Brunch was all you can eat with an omlette bar, and everything was tasty, if a bit on the chilly side. Our waitress kept touching me on the back, and mom teased me about it. I started to blush, but noted that she did the same to all of her customers. Mom refered to her as my girlfriend for the rest of the day. My girlfriend told us how to get to the gay and lesbian bookstore, Giovanni's Room. It was a short walk. We spent a long time in there. Mom bought some books and a CD and a DVD. I read the beginning of a book of short stories called "Lust," which I thought about getting. It was in the bisexual section. But when I heard my mom come upstairs, I hurriedly put the books back and tried to act cool. It's still kind of creepy to me, reading erotica around my mother.

Giovanni's had a lot of male customers, but not very many women. The staff was really friendly and welcoming. I hope that mom goes there again.

We walked around and did some shopping. I bought a journal that meets all of my requirements. First of all, it doesn't have the word "journal" on it. It's unlined, but has a grid of dots. It is wire-bound, and not totally ugly. Then we went and got ice cream and talked about how cold we were. The waitress there was way more my type. Alas, she did not touch my back.

On the way home, after setting off the alarms at Lord and Taylor (underneath which we'd parked), we did some grocery shopping at Trader Joe's. It was unbelievably crowded. But we got some vitamin water and some delicious frozen foods for us to eat.

I hope to visit Alexia, and maybe some other friends while I'm out here. I'm thinking about getting a hotel room and having some alone time. I don't feel like I've had alone time in months. I'm relaxing, though, and I can feel things bubbling up inside me. Like a dormant volcano, brought to life!

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Vacation is always interesting with the family. Like the usual stuff that sucks and the usual stuff that is awesome. For example, mom made these hamburgers for lunch today when Ruth and Marc got back, and we had canned green beans and toast, and it was really good. It was pretty much what I ate growing up: realy simple and fast and good. But then came the constant bitching about their weight problems. Ay yay yay. What're you gonna do?

I'm on a mission to get mom involved in the Philadelphia lesbian scene, if there is one. Tomorrow I'm taking her to lunch at a lesbian bar, and then to a feminist bookstore. I asked mom about lesbians who don't like to have sex, and she said that it wasn't uncommon. I told her Marian's story about her mom, and how she argued that you can't call yourself something and make it be true. "If I call myseelf a pineapple, that doesn't make me a pineapple," said Marian. Mom said, "I'm a pineapple." It was funny. At the time.

Anyhow. Anyhow. I've had holiday tummy for a while. Ick.

Monday, January 03, 2005


my Itinerary

Thursday, January 6 - Portland(PDX) to Philadelphia(PHL)

Flight 214
Depart Portland(PDX) at 11:20 AM and
arrive in Phoenix(PHX) at 02:50 PM
Change planes to Flight 2884
Depart Phoenix(PHX) at 03:55 PM and
arrive in Philadelphia(PHL) at 10:55 PM

Monday, January 17 - Philadelphia(PHL) to Portland(PDX)

Flight 472
Depart Philadelphia(PHL) at 09:05 AM and
arrive in Los Angeles(LAX) at 12:20 PM
Change planes to Flight 299
Depart Los Angeles(LAX) at 03:20 PM and
arrive in Portland(PDX) at 06:35 PM


wishing on a star

I've been under the weather emotionally these days, pining for my more even-keeled, or maybe just my happier, days. Grumpy, irrational, resentful. I've been a real treat, in other words, to be with. When I was at my lowest today, getting some alone time in my special secret hiding place, I called Marian and Amanda and Bryan, and they invited me over for a bike ride on the East Bank Esplanade. It was lovely, and then I got a small halibut and chips at the Jolly Roger. Then, when Amanda and Marian went to have dinner with their mother, Bryan and I watched the newest Harry Potter movie and I slept through it. It was awesome. I felt so much better.

I'm headed east in a few days. More updates later. Then, down to SF! I hope I get to see Claire . . .


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