Friday, July 29, 2005


It's chilly here

I've made it to San Francisco. Our drive took only eleven hours, and we stoped four times! Marian's apartment is cute, and larger than I expected. Shauna and Amanda and I are in a coffee shop in Chinatown, typing and reading. Marian is at a job interview right now. The plans for today include Karaoke. I slept well last night, but my back was a bit sore. I do think it's healthy to sleep on the floor every now and then.

I plan to stock up on souvenirs while here. Parasols and such. I hope we get to ride on the trolley. I bet we will, since Marian lives a block away from the trolley tracks.

This is where we are!

Marian is done with her interview, so I'm going to go now!

I miss you!

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

I'm also really sad right now because two of my closest friends are moving in the next few weeks. Lindsay's going to DC to be with her boyfriend, and Shauna's moving to SF to . . . a lot of things.

I haven't really thought about it, not emotionally, I haven't let it sink in because ot is too serious and too big. And I've made this choice to stay put, to take on more responsibility at work, to buy a house, to get married. Things I want to do, but . . . the amount that I miss Marian . . .

Ah, the self-pity is nice, like a cool breeze.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005


If I were an Emoticon

I had a terrible hangover this morning, slept and slept, moved downstairs and slept on the couch. It was hot all day. Lindsay and I set up the compost bin, so we will be composting soon. I have neve composted before, so I am excited. I guess.

Chris sat around all day, tippity typing, and I read some books about wedding planning. I get scared sometimes because I think, "what if we break up? what if he leaves me? what if it all falls apart? what if it's a big sham?"

Tomorrow I'm getting a tattoo. It will be my second one. I'm scared and nervous about that too.

I guess if I were to pick an emoticon it would be one that portrayed the emotions of scared and nervous.

I had this therapist a while back, and he was really good at what he did. I'd confess all of my fears about school, about relationships, and he would say "What would be the worst thing that could happen if ____?" It helped me a lot. Because even if things don't work out as planned, not working out is not all that completely terrible.

Tomorrow is a big day, so I'm going to drink some water and get into bed. Read some John Dos Passos.

Monday, July 25, 2005


Still sitting on the Love Seat: Alone

I'm waiting for Chris to come home from work. Restaurant life is often unpredictable, and often frustrating. One never really knows what to expect. Will the Fourth of July be busy? Will Friday night be slow? A mean table: but maybe they will over-tip. Will we run out of sparkling wine?

Is my latte too cold?

These things are worries. Servers where I work often wish for fewer customers. It makes for better and faster service. Better tips. But sometimes, like last night, when it was one of those nights where we all forgot to drink water--didn't have the time, really--you go home with much more than you expected. Customers can be sympathetic to your plight. Or they might be simply annoyed. It's unpredictable.

So you think it's best to have rules. To be firm, but polite. "Sit down, please, and then I will take your order."

"But I'll forget what it is that I want."

"I'm sure that I can help you remember. I'll be right over."

Sometimes I break down and let them tell me right then. But that is a sign of weakness. They can sense it, my weakness. They pounce. And then, as soon as I set their dessert down, they want three cappucinos, one skim, one decaf soy, one dry single.

And they wait as I make their drinks, they wait before they eat. And since I care about they coffee, it takes a while. They wait, and they fume. And I am out of whack, and I fall behind.

The rules, the rules are so important.

Pleae listen to your server. Please do as they ask. You will be, I am sure, much happier in the end.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Lindsay and Chris moved a loveseat onto the front porch this afternoon, after I had gone to work. The loveseat, a gray tan, is soft, and warm, and allows a prolonged exposure to the evening air. It is cool tonight, and there's a little wind, and it is a good night to sit outside. Work was productive: I entered data, I ordered some things, I counted money. I waited on some tables, answered questions. I wrote notes, made phone calls, sent emails. I am preparing to go to San Francisco, mentally at least. I'm looking forward to it, to leaving town, to a long drive with Shauna.

Across the street there is a vacant lot. The neighborhood children pick blackberries in it, Lindsay plays fetch with Sedna over there. It is like a park, but with gravel and an overgrown driveway. You can cut across it to walk to the bus stop. it is private property, but nobody seems to guard it.

A lot of cars drive by the house. Some drive by slowly, with loud bass setting off car alarms. A lot of bicycles go down this street as well. And some people walk down the middle of the street.

We all like it here. I like how secure it is, not in a gated community sort of way, but in a sticking around way. In a putting down roots way. Planting plants and trees, watering the plants, cleaning and sorting, the things that make a person feel connected.

I pulled some tomatoes off of a broken plant two days ago. I set them on the pillar on the porch, they were completely green, and the plant had been snapped by a long pipe that is now our sewer. They are reddening, becoming ripe. It's slow, but noticeable, like watching paint dry. Satisfying, even though I've done nothing.

All of these pleasures are more acute now, they seem more severe to me, since there is a baseline. There is this house, which I will stay in, but the things around me change, ripen.

The moon is low, truncated, yellow, right above the vacant lot across the street.

Saturday, July 23, 2005


Finally, a table

I felt like today was the day, was my lucky day, to find a coffee table for the living room. And Lindsay and I found one, for fifty dollars, and it kind of matches (reflects, alludes to) the dining room table. It has a big gouge in it, but not that big.

This morning I had brunch with Constance, who is in town. We ate at Helser's, which is nice and dependable.

The kitties are snuggling one another. They've been fighting for the past few days. so it's good that they have reconciled.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005


I love Wi-Fi

I guess it's something that I've taken for granted lately, not being tethered to the wall. But it's been a long while since I've been to a coffee shop, with computer, and enjoyed the freedom of the internet.

Also, I'm involved in a super double secret confidential thing with a newspaper. That is exciting.

Also, I love not working all the time. I love it.

This coffee shop serves Batdorf & Bronson!

My sister sent me a copper beverage bucket.

I need some new blogs to read, because this one isn't enough, and Salon is all "Supreme Court this, Valerie Plame that, Read this book." I like Salon, though.

And I read the new Harry Potter in a day. I wish that more of life were like that book. Or, rather, like reading that book.

Friday, July 15, 2005


Alone with Dog

Sedna and I are pretty bored. I'm worried about going to work and leaving her. I've thought about taking her with me, letting her hang out outside.

Work was alright last night, considering I started to cry once I realized that I had fucked up pretty bad. But Johnny and Melanie were so nice, and it wasn't busy once I got there. John and I went out for a beer afterwards, to the Nightlite, but didn't really get to talk because this guy came up and was like "I love your band you are so awesome do you want to see my Moog?" He was nice, but I was a little bored.

I have to go into work in an hour. I'm going to shower before I go.

Saturday, July 09, 2005


Reflections on Fame, Literature, Labor

I'm feeling a little bit more famous. That's cool, since nothing in my life has actually changed. At all. Except that my hours are getting cut at work. That makes me happy. And I might get to serve breakfast! I've always wanted to serve breakfast. That's a kind of low aspiration, but there you go.

Aim low.

I'm anxiously awaiting the new Harry Potter book. One week (or so)! If anyone has a book that I should read, that would be cool, because I'm having trouble getting into Utopia. It's more of an airplane book to me. Something you read when there's not much else to distract you.

Friday, July 08, 2005


Promises Promises

Blah blah it is raining and gray and chilly. I love it, but I'm exhausted. Bought a wedding dress today. It is dark. And frilly.

But I'm sleepy. Chris is talking on the phone and he is loud! Sedna ran out into the street.


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