It's getting so that I'm not ravenous. Did I mention I stopped gaining weight? I imagined that I'd gain weight forever, but one day my hunger was gone. I have to remind myself to eat now.
We moved the dogs to their new sleeping area last night. They are in the hallway between the bed and the bathroom, behind a baby gate. I thought they'd cry or at least seem upset about not being able to sleep on the bed with us, but they handled it really well. It was hard that every time I got up to pee they got all excited about maybe being released.
I finished packing the birth bag this morning. Clothes for me, Chris and baby, some diapers, toothbrush and toothpaste. We need to add the cameras to it too.
She could come any day. Last night in bed I felt kind of afraid of labor, specifically of Transition. Afraid of being out of control. And that's not something I've been worried about. But last night for ten minutes I was really freaked out about it. I think these little freak outs are good for me. It's good to let the fears surface, and to examine them, and to let them go.
I'm getting all of these life skills out of this pregnancy and the impending parenthood. I'm learning to state my needs clearly. Which means, a lot of the time, learning to say no to people. Or at least to say "not now." I'm learning not to run away from fear.
Deciding to have a natural childbirth has been for me a way to face fears and to conquer them. It's so much easier in a way to say "I'm going to take the drugs, I don't want to feel anything, I want to be as uninvolved as possible, you do it, Doc." I understand that, I really do. The illusion of control that a hospital birth, with pain relievers and labor enhancers offers is appealing, but it is just an illusion. Birth is not something that can be controlled. (Unless it's a scheduled c-section.) It's this lack of control that freaked me out last night. When labor starts is not up to me.
But I believe that I can do this thing, and that my body was made to do it.
I'm officially full term as of two days ago, and in the past week I feel like my body, this pregnancy, has completely changed. Physically, my face has filled out, although I haven't gained any weight. I woke up on Wednesday with stretch marks on my formerly smooth abdomen. I'm slightly puffier all over. And the baby, she feels huge. She feels like a little person with bones and limbs and toes. I'm not as ravenously hungry as I was two weeks ago. In fact, I'm less hungry now than before I was pregnant. Emotionally I'm different too. I don't like it when Chris is not around. I'm organizing things, cleaning. But not in a grumpy way. I was freaked out about our house not being ready, but now I'm a lot calmer. And, surprisingly enough, I have a ton of sexual energy. Sure, I can't really move that well, but I feel like I'm 18 all over again.
We still don't have a name. We don't have any part of a name, actually. We don't know what last name to use, or if we should create a hybrid last name.
I've been having trouble staying hydrated, which is crazy. I drink so much water, but I'm not getting enough salt. I started putting salt in my hot chocolate last night. It's super yummy. I drank a whole bottle of an organic electrolyte drink yesterday.
We still haven't packed our birth bag, or installed the car seat.
And then there's going to be a point when the pregnancy is over, and the parenting begins.