Thursday, June 10, 2004


"You don't eat?"

So, this week I have this interesting Free Will horoscope:
  • I'm a Pisces!
  • I just got back from driving Jason and his girlf Katrina to her mother's house. We went to dinner at Than Thao, and the waitress asked me, "You don't eat?" I had already gone to La Parilla for a soft tostada. Then we went to see a free movie at Cinema 21 called The Cockettes where we ran into Douglas and Lisa. I felt, well, bizarre, and a bit on the spot. It was a fifth wheel type of moment, at least in the not having a partner at the movie with me. I started thinking about couples, and about how certain people match really well with other people. Um, that was eloquent.

    I've been thinking about purpose a lot lately. Mainly, my purpose. I'm feeling a lot more like I want to be very average, boring, unnoticed. Aren't we all supposed to want to be rockstars? I also feel really uncomfortable about being seen as a musician or a writer or whatever. I don't mind doing those things, but I don't really want to be those things, not to other people.

    The reason I linked to the horoscope is because it suggests that the kitchen table is where I should be focusing my attention. The kitchen is where you let only your most intimate relations and friends. To me, I think this is about a narrowing of scope. I feel like I'm in danger of going to far out on a limb--forgetting my roots, if you will. There's always in me these two competing urges: retract into myself and what I'm comfortable with; meet new people, do new things. Right now I'm in a retract phase. These phases are a bit scary because I fear that I'll never leave. But do I need to?

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