Wednesday, May 12, 2004


Your smiling face

I heard the J.T. song on the radio this morning, thought of Marian. I've been poor to terrible about talking to people who aren't in view. I wish there were a reason for it, but it's just a phase that I go through every now and again, where I pull back into myself and sleep and do little maintenance type things. I've been watching other people's hair grow. I've been counting the hours until Adam arrives. Lindsay and I had a talk yesterday about Adam and Chris. "What if I got back together with Chris?" "I'd fly home and kill you. You've been down that road before; you know where it goes. You should get with Adam." "I'd like Adam to be the father of my children, that's for sure." Thing is, I don't want to "get with" anybody. I remain utterly suspicious of "in love." Thing is, you can't tell yourself to fall in love with any particular person. I find it easy to crush on someone, and a bit more difficult to love them, but to be "in love" with someone, that's like a hurricane--an act of god. Like George Michael said, I've got to have Faith-uh-faith-uh-faith-uh.

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