Thursday, May 06, 2004


Why don't Claire and Marian live here? Why? And Chris? And Adam? And Alexia and Melinda? Everybody's on my side. I wish I didn't have a side.

It's mainly that I feel I can't trust. Is it betrayal? That's a strong word for it. Too many apostrophes, too many things left out. The thing about contractions is that there's an implied omission. I feel like I've been ignoring the implied. Actually, I feel like a big fucking chump. This is what you get, sometimes, when you let untested people into your life. Sometimes they fool you, and sometimes you let them fool you, into thinking that they're your friends. And then, there are the people who slip in and you realize that they're truly the special ones, the ones that aren't as shiny and as sparkly, those are the people that you keep. Because, frankly, those shiny people are shiny for a reason. You let the exterior glow supplement the absence of what you love. And then you realize that maybe materialism has a lot less to do with material things than you first thought.

But on the upside, I had a good night, and I have another brunch with Douglas tomorrow. And maybe I'll drum for a band. And Camp Monday? Fuck that. I'm calling for a revision.

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