PickledCherub

I've been feeling as though I'm consistently more than fifty percent of anything I encounter. Rather, I'm either more than fifty percent (the crucial majority) or I'm absolutely zero. At the Farmer's Market I am absolutely zero. Not that I'm not doing work, but my presence--who I am as an individual, my inner me--makes no difference as to what I facilitate. In other words, the pastries sell themselves. I am making friends there, my favorite person being the Irish woman who sells organic starters next to me, Paula. I also think George, who sells Home Brew sodas and wine jelly, is hilarious, and the old man and his nephew on my other side are quite a pair. Everyone is helpful and helps me load and unload things. I give them little treats as compensation. I think about gardening, but refuse to do anything about it. We're moving soon, I rationalize. Why plant something that you won't be around to care for?

Adam's visit is going well. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. He does a fantastic Schwarzenegger impression. "I'm a cop you idiot." If I weren't so exhausted from working, I'd probably be mostly content. Six thirty in the AM is too early for me to be responsible for anything.

Going out to dinner alone? I used to do that all the time when I lived alone. I never went anywhere super fancy, usually just the Paradox on Belmont. I find that sitting at the counter with a book does the trick.

The times when I'm more than fifty percent? Even then I don't think it's me deciding to dominate; no, it's just one of those things, you know? I'm sleepy. Shit. Why do I agree to do things when I'm sleepy? From now on, I agree to do nothing when I'm sleepy.