Saturday, April 17, 2004


My first date

What can I say about my date with Joe? It was nice to go on a date--though we didn't really use that term, but we sort of did. It was like, "this is a date, but not really, because if we called it that that would be weird." He paid for everything, he insisted on it, which was nice. He opened doors for me. We talked about first date things, like where we're from and what we've done in our lives and what we're doing. There were a lot of moments where we didn't know how much to say about certain things. For example, I didn't say that I'm tired of playing around with people and am looking to start thinking about maybe settling down and having kids. That's not something you say to someone right away. I also didn't say that I'm not planning on doing it with him for a while. Not because all of a sudden I have rules about that, but because I just don't feel like doing that again. Looking back on the past I've decided that I'm too quick to jump into bed.

I ran into John this afternoon at Tiny's. I had just woken up. It was 4 pm. The heart churning crush is fading away. Relief. Grief.

Work was like pulling teeth. I got chastised for not taking pastries out of the right case. I didn't have the energy to be nice and to take lots of tables. I felt like crying for the first four hours of my shift. I played the ignore your customers game most of the night, making sure that they were content but not talking to them more than was absolutely necessary. I saw a report on the news before work that made me cry for ten minutes. This Vietnam vet brings milkshakes to recent amputees. He lost his legs in Vietnam, walking over a landmine. War makes me cry. Actually, almost everything makes me cry now. What happened to stoic Amy? She was so tough and so cool.

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