PickledCherub
Monday, February 09, 2004
I got dressed to go out, got in my car, drove around, and came right back home. I wanted to change.
I feel torn, oh so torn, lately. Last night I stayed at work until the guys finished closing, then we came back here to drink and talk about, among other things, child-prostitution rings, the anti-Christ and pop-idols, and sex sex sex. I'm not accustomed to being around so much machismo. We went skateboarding in the street, practiced tackling, drank whiskey. I enjoy their company, but I wonder at how uneasy they make me feel. Firstly because I am uncomfortable about their attitudes about sex and women. Secondly because I have the desire, despite of my unease, to be desired by them. But, I need more friends. People keep moving away; or, I keep alienating them.
I feel torn, oh so torn, lately. Last night I stayed at work until the guys finished closing, then we came back here to drink and talk about, among other things, child-prostitution rings, the anti-Christ and pop-idols, and sex sex sex. I'm not accustomed to being around so much machismo. We went skateboarding in the street, practiced tackling, drank whiskey. I enjoy their company, but I wonder at how uneasy they make me feel. Firstly because I am uncomfortable about their attitudes about sex and women. Secondly because I have the desire, despite of my unease, to be desired by them. But, I need more friends. People keep moving away; or, I keep alienating them.
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