PickledCherub

37 weeks, four days

2010-07-18T13:52:00.000-07:00

It's getting so that I'm not ravenous. Did I mention I stopped gaining weight? I imagined that I'd gain weight forever, but one day my hunger was gone. I have to remind myself to eat now.

We moved the dogs to their new sleeping area last night. They are in the hallway between the bed and the bathroom, behind a baby gate. I thought they'd cry or at least seem upset about not being able to sleep on the bed with us, but they handled it really well. It was hard that every time I got up to pee they got all excited about maybe being released.

I finished packing the birth bag this morning. Clothes for me, Chris and baby, some diapers, toothbrush and toothpaste. We need to add the cameras to it too.

She could come any day. Last night in bed I felt kind of afraid of labor, specifically of Transition. Afraid of being out of control. And that's not something I've been worried about. But last night for ten minutes I was really freaked out about it. I think these little freak outs are good for me. It's good to let the fears surface, and to examine them, and to let them go.

I'm getting all of these life skills out of this pregnancy and the impending parenthood. I'm learning to state my needs clearly. Which means, a lot of the time, learning to say no to people. Or at least to say "not now." I'm learning not to run away from fear.

Deciding to have a natural childbirth has been for me a way to face fears and to conquer them. It's so much easier in a way to say "I'm going to take the drugs, I don't want to feel anything, I want to be as uninvolved as possible, you do it, Doc." I understand that, I really do. The illusion of control that a hospital birth, with pain relievers and labor enhancers offers is appealing, but it is just an illusion. Birth is not something that can be controlled. (Unless it's a scheduled c-section.) It's this lack of control that freaked me out last night. When labor starts is not up to me.

But I believe that I can do this thing, and that my body was made to do it.

37 weeks, two days

2010-07-16T11:13:00.000-07:00

I'm officially full term as of two days ago, and in the past week I feel like my body, this pregnancy, has completely changed. Physically, my face has filled out, although I haven't gained any weight. I woke up on Wednesday with stretch marks on my formerly smooth abdomen. I'm slightly puffier all over. And the baby, she feels huge. She feels like a little person with bones and limbs and toes. I'm not as ravenously hungry as I was two weeks ago. In fact, I'm less hungry now than before I was pregnant. Emotionally I'm different too. I don't like it when Chris is not around. I'm organizing things, cleaning. But not in a grumpy way. I was freaked out about our house not being ready, but now I'm a lot calmer. And, surprisingly enough, I have a ton of sexual energy. Sure, I can't really move that well, but I feel like I'm 18 all over again.

We still don't have a name. We don't have any part of a name, actually. We don't know what last name to use, or if we should create a hybrid last name.

I've been having trouble staying hydrated, which is crazy. I drink so much water, but I'm not getting enough salt. I started putting salt in my hot chocolate last night. It's super yummy. I drank a whole bottle of an organic electrolyte drink yesterday.

We still haven't packed our birth bag, or installed the car seat.

And then there's going to be a point when the pregnancy is over, and the parenting begins.

And then I got knocked up . . .

2010-06-20T11:37:00.001-07:00

I'm 33 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Which means I'm pretty close to giving birth, or at least to the opening of the window of when I can safely give birth at home or the birth center. And since we just moved a week ago, the house is not really ready. We're half moved in. There are boxes half unpacked in the kitchen and Chris's office is a pile of things with nowhere to go. We don't have anything but a few blankets and some clothes for the baby, and the infant car seat Marian and Katy got us. I ordered some diapers this morning and that made me feel better. We're going the cloth diaper route.

The little one is thumping around inside me and Chris is taking a shower. The dogs are splayed out across my maternity pillow at the foot of the bed. I love our new house. It's on the East Bay Trail, so there's always birds chirping and waves gently crashing and little mammals that look like squirrels popping out from between the rocks.

I want to give birth here. It feels so peaceful. But I have a few worries about it. One, there is a train that cuts off the peninsula we live on. If we needed to transport to the hospital for whatever reason and the train were there . . . it could be a while before we could get through. Unless we played pregnant hobo and jumped the train. Two, I worry about the midwives not being comfortable here, or there being another birth at the same time and they need to go to the center. I don't want to be selfish, I guess. The birth center is lovely, it's beautiful, it has a giant bathtub and lots of great things to recommend it, but I couldn't really go outside. And, the drive from here to there while in labor seems like it would be stressful or distracting. Three, we'd have to pack food to bring, in addition to everything else. For some reason, the catering of the birth is one of my big concerns.

It's not like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm stuck between two very nice soft places.

In the Beginning

2007-10-16T08:33:00.001-07:00

For the past three weeks I've been fully immersed in Pilates. I even had a dream about it. Mostly it was a video montage of all the Pilates I've been doing, in my studio here, in my studio in Seattle, at the Community Center, at Community College, in Martha's apartment, etc.

I started teaching my first class last week at the Community Center. The first hour was intensely horrifying for me. A bunch of people were at the wrong room (no fault of their own), and so we started late, and I was nervous and sweaty, and so I blabbed on about Pilates and we really hardly got through the exercises. No one wa listening to me, or understanding what I was saying, and there were a couple of people who didn't want to curl their head up because of their necks, and I was like "What am I doing wrong?! Why is this impossible?" When the hour was over, everyone seemed pretty happy and even a few people came up to me to talk about private things. It was like they didn't even notice how terrible I was!

Talking to my teachers about the experience, they all said their first class was horrible too, and that it takes a while to find your voice. My second class went much better (there were only four people, but also one toddler and one baby). It is still difficult, and yesterday I totally forgot to teach the Roll-up. The whole class felt strange to me because I knew I had left something out, but couldn't remember what.

This week I start my observation hours at the studio. I get to watch the other teacher teach. Our focus this week is . . . FEET! Observation is nice because I get to just watch and take notes. It's interesting to see which clients want to talk, and which ones keep quiet. Talking doesn't necessarily mean losing focus, but it also is a good way for a client to avoid too much exercise.

School up in Seattle has been really great so far. I love the teachers and my colleagues come from very interesting backgrounds. Plus I get to spend time with Katie and Alice. Next time I go up I'm going to try to see some other people too. But after six hours of Pilates I get kind of tired and just want to eat dinner and sit by the fire.

Brooklyn

2007-09-10T22:10:00.000-07:00

The wedding was great! I think I might publish my sermon on the mount, but I'm so tired right now! We have no concrete plans for our ten minutes in NYC, but hope to see the majority of friends. Chris' sister is so sweet and cute and we're in a comfy room in Park Slope.

I'll write some more when I get a chance.

BBQ

2007-09-07T19:28:00.001-07:00

I'm sitting in the Family Room in Madison. There is a lovely group of people outside but I am taking a break from the Mosquitoes!

Amanda is talking to Wylie, her lover, and I'm just trying to keep my cool. Tomorrow I marry the lovely couple, and I'm only a teeny bit nervous.

Flying Away

2007-09-03T21:07:00.000-07:00

So, we're going to a wedding! Lindsay's wedding! I even wrote out a first draft of the ceremony. I've got my ducks in a row, now it's time to put them in a suitcase.

French Bingo tonight was a no-show. Just me and Emily, the manager, talking bout break ups. I had a sandwich, and refused payment. I did not do a thing, why should I get paid?

I will be back the 17th, so I guess we'll chat then!

New Look, Same Great Taste!

2007-08-28T16:51:00.000-07:00

For those of you who do not use an rss reader, this should come as no surprise: I have re-prettied my blog! It's a fast and dirty fix, with no side bar or anything, but who looks at side bars anymore? Go ahead, ch-ch-ch-check it out, if you dare!

"More than a feeling"

2007-08-19T10:21:00.000-07:00

I guess that no news is usually good news, but in my case it's more a matter of finding the time to write. And it's not a matter of time so much as desire, since often I'd rather do anything else but write in my blog. It's become sort of a bane, sort of a blister that I keep playing with. But I have some good news, some exciting news, some updates.

I got my first job in my newly chosen career path! I'm going to teach Pilates at a community center near my house. Also, I found a program, a teacher training program in Seattle, and I'm going to do it! Which means that if you live in Seattle I would love to be your house guest every once in a while! About once a month? Hope that's cool!

I still have to write Lindsay's wedding ceremony. It is a very intimidating task, I must say.

It's been raining here, finally, for the first time this summer, and poor Charlie deserves a trip to the river.

Negatron

2007-08-14T14:00:00.000-07:00

I am so tired right now. We didn't get dinner on the table until 11:30 last night. Anyway, I have a Spanish test in an hour on the past tense and I don't know it and I'm in a grumpy mood. I just want to go to sleep! GRAR!

All of our houseguests have been great but I'm just plain worn out. On the schedule tonight: warm bath, book, early to bed!

"Pilates Style"

2007-08-09T08:39:00.000-07:00

Oh, that is a vag of a title right there. I'm sticking with it because it's in the past. I've been ramping up my entry into the field of my choice, arranging interviews, searching the internet for teacher training programs, buying workout clothes on sale. I am excited about being a Pilates teacher, and to be honest a good chunk of that excitement has to do with the outfits. When I was in High School exercise clothes were functional, uncomfortable--essentially a smaller version of the boys clothes. Nowadays they are functional, cute and comfortable, and more expensive. A lot of my workout clothes are also my pajamas.

Anyway, I'm going to get a start no my day!

Kate Bush - Running up that Hill

2007-08-06T22:22:00.001-07:00

This could be the most amazing music video I have ever seen.

All you ever talk about is Pilates

2007-08-04T11:09:00.000-07:00

I have enjoyed a surplus of sleep recently. I am both surprised and pleased by how much sleep my body and mind have accomplished as of late. It make sense, though, seeing how much exercise I do.

I had an interview yesterday at a community center for a job teaching Pilates! It went well. Also, the studio where I take classes might let me apprentice there! So, I just need to find a training program and then I can be all official!

I did some amazing things with my body yesterday, things I never thought I could do. I feel like a Chinese Acrobat!

B Sept! B Sept!

2007-07-31T08:06:00.000-07:00

I have a pretty sweet gig recently: calling French Bingo at Pix on Hawthorne. Essentially, I stand on a chair, drink a glass of wine, speak in broken French, and gesture wildly with my hands, all while spinning the Bingo device (a red plastic donut shaped thing on a stand). People love Bingo! Last night I called at a private 40th Birthday party.

This is my last week of Boot Camp and Pilates class, although I have another three weeks of Spanish. Then I have over a month until classes begin again.

I have an interview on Friday at a community center near my home to teach a Pilates class! I'm excited. It's my first interview for my new career. Our baby's growing up so fast!

Saturday and Sunday

2007-07-30T09:02:00.000-07:00

The dog is gently snoring on the couch behind me. He always sleeps again after breakfast. I'm still sunburned from the birthday party at the coast on Saturday. We swam in the waves, even Charlie, who before was afraid of the waves. It was warmer than I think ever before. We ate a lot of pasta salad.

Yesterday Chris cleaned the kitchen and I played ukulele.

Weekend in Review

2007-07-23T08:48:00.000-07:00

I finished the final Harry Potter at two thirty in the morning Saturday night, just after Chris got home from a show. I'd like to say that I read it straight through, because that's the best way for me to immerse myself, but I took breaks to walk the dog and go out to see a DJ/band with Chris.

Oh, it was great. I think, maybe, the hype of the whole event was too much for my delicate temperament to handle. I certainly didn't cry, not like I did in all of the other books.

My first batch of kombucha is ready--anyway, we've started drinking it. New friend Emily gave us the starter, a gross, chicken breast looking thing. I brewed up some sun tea using a small fraction of the shit load of Rose-Green tea I've had in my life for four years now, added some simple syrup, and plopped the mushroom on top. A week later we have a fizzy (more frizzante) green-brown, slightly sweet, earthy tasting beverage, and a new kombucha mushroom on top.

At the Clackamas river yesterday with Chris an Charlie we picked blackberries on a island in the middle of the river, and waded in the waist-high waters, and threw sticks. I stabbed my ankle on a tree branch hiking back. It hurts. It was worth it.

Morning in the Morning

2007-07-14T08:46:00.000-07:00

I have to leave soon for a Pilates class, but I'm feeling a little more chatty than usual so I thought I'd plop some words down.
I agreed to accept a position of slightly greater responsibility in the ginormous non-profit that I volunteer at, for this week at least. It is a "leadership position": as far as I can tell it involves a lot of heavy equipment (a bulky laptop in a hard case, three pagers, a walkie-talkie, a cell phone, a calculator, maps, translation aids, etc.) and making a lot of phone calls. I biked home with all of these things on my back, and it was a slow and slightly dangerous ride. It also means that this week I will dry out--no more beer after Spanish class, no wine with dinner.
This week has been astoundingly hot, getting into the low hundreds, and I have been correspondingly wilted like the hydrangeas in our front yard. The benefit is that the mere ninety degree days have become a piece of cake.

2007-07-07T11:36:00.000-07:00

I just drank a lot of iced toddy coffee very quickly, so now I feel anxious to start my day, to get shit done, to make something of myself. Instead I will write a bit!

We took Charlie to the river yesterday, and spent most of our time in the car, or hiking through brambles and blackberries, and not so much time on the beach or in the water. A little girl named Caitlin played with Charlie while her mother yelled at her occasionally. Then I lent my other bike to a woman I met at Carrie and Brian's Fourth of July party. She's going to give me a message in exchange for it, which is definitely what I need.

I've been doing pilates five days a week. Monday through Thursday I take a mat class at Community College (fifteen minutes after Boot Camp class, which is a lot like gym in elementary school: we do running drills and skipping and hopping and basketball running and hopping through ladders, but also it's a lot like the aerobics classes I took in High School where we lift weights and do Core Work). On Fridays I've been doing classes at a studio near Greg's house, and it's there that I get to work on the crazy machines. I like to ride my bike there, and since I get there a little early I walk around and look into the shops. Yesterday I walked over to Sunnyside Park and sat on a bench under a tree and watched a crow drink water from the water fountain. It was a perfect day and the crow made me tear up a little bit. Maybe because it's the death-iversary of my dad?

It's summer and I'm really happy. I'm going to make a mix CD for Amac's Birthday!

2007-06-25T19:51:00.001-07:00

Making chocolate cookies, drinking the best drink ever:
3 ounces vanilla-infuse Cazadores Tequila (home-made)
3 ounces toddy coffee
Splash of half and half
1.5 teaspoons Maple Syrup

Shaken, served on ice. I call it the Vanilla Valdez.

New Garbage Plan

2007-06-22T09:32:00.000-07:00

Portland has an awesome new garbage plan. We're going to have a huge bin for recycling, a compost bin, a glass bin (fuzzy on the details) and they are only going to pick up the garbage once every two weeks! It's very modern, this plan, although California of course is pretty much already on it.

I had a sexy dream about Paul Reubens last night. You may know him as Pee-Wee Herman. We were in an underground compound in an indian reservation slash college campus. There was also a cooking contest, and a day care center. Cinder block walls were lining the hallways. No windows. A King sized bed with primary color sheets that had a six foot in diameter trampoline in front of it.

Anatomy and Physiology

2007-06-20T21:33:00.000-07:00

I spent most of this afternoon, after everyone left, reading "Anatomy of Movement" by Blandine Calais-Germain. (You can get it on the internet.) Then I went to a Pilates class. It was really hot, and I rode my bike, so I was pretty sweaty and stinky when I got there. I had a great class today: something clicked and I kind of understood what I was doing which made everything more strenuous. That's basically my motto in a Pilates class: if it isn't kicking your ass you're not doing it right.

I got my confirmations about the training course in Philadelphia. Mom is excited ("This is great news") and sister is not quite ("I might have some reviews etc etc"). Since I'm not in class for most of September I am thinking about making the whole Lindsay's Wedding/Pilates Training into a big East Coast Extravaganza. See who I can see. Marian will be out there by then, and Constance is in New Haven/Brooklyn, and I could visit Lindsay in DC.

Of course when I get back I'm going to find a job (!) somewhere teaching. I'm also considering the field of Public Health.

Now I'm going to eat strawberries and whipped cream. Snap.

Speed Update!

2007-06-18T17:26:00.000-07:00

1) Lindsay is getting married. This weekend she's visiting with her new fiance Kaice. I would link to Kaice's website, since he has one, but I will not because it is not the best. He, however, is a sweet guy.

2) I'm on vacation!

3) I'm going to be a Pilates teacher! In September I will be flying off to Philadelphia to take a weekend class at the Power Pilates studio at UPenn. I am excited about this also because I can roll in a visit to my family at the same time.

4) I'm learning Spanish. It is about time.

5) I hurt my wrist. Again.

5) I am a white belt in Karate.

6) Amanda keeps visiting! And we went up to Seattle to camp with Katie D and her girlf Alice.

7) Allergies! I have them.

8) Greg Borenstein practically moved in. He is grumpy when he is hungry.

9) Make new friends, keep the old!

JPG Patriarchy!

2007-02-14T19:49:00.000-08:00

I am in a digital photography class, a class that I really like, with a teacher who is about the most awesome teacher I've ever had. And our assignment, due tomorrow, is to submit three photographs to JPG Magazine, in one of their themes. They have a dozen standing themes, and thre rotating themes, which change for every issues. Surprise surprise, I find out tonight that the third and final theme for this issue is "Beauty Redefined: Alternative Pin-ups" sponsored by--you guessed it--the Suicide Girls. My reaction: ICK! So I wrote them this note:

"Re: Suicide Girls
Hey, I just don't think exploiting women is awesome! In fact, it makes me feel really icky inside to see JPG Magazine have a tie-in with internet porn. I know everyone is all "Suicide Girls is alterna-porn! It's feminist!" Actually, the models get paid next to nothing, have their images sold to hard-core porn sites when their not as popular as they used to be, and the body types are the same old skinny ladies, just this time with body piercings and tatoos. It's like photography hasn't been used enough to exploit women in its short history.

Very poor form."

Man, this is just gross and creepy and so sad.

Melting!

2007-02-06T12:24:00.000-08:00

Global Climate Change! Think of all the new beach-front property. Imagine how the highways will be underwater--how will we get around without our cars? Maybe the climate change will force us into behaving better. Maybe we'll condense ourselves. I don't know, but it could happen.

Our furnace broke a couple of days ago and we've been very cold. But this morning someone stopped by and fixed it, and now I'm warm. But my throat is sore and that's a bummer.

I'm reading The Dialectic of Sex by Shulamith Firestone. It's pretty interesting. I'll tell you more about it later.

Classes are going really well. Our water smells like chlorine.

Sick as my Dog

2007-01-19T14:48:00.000-08:00

Chris and I just got back from the emergency animal hospital, where Charlie still is. He hasn't been able to hold down food for the past week, and last night he was up all night puking on every piece of rug and carpet we have in our house. Chris was on vomit detail until midnight. I cleaned up everything afterwards. Charlie was super tired this morning, and we called our vet to get his test results from yesterday. He said we should get Charlie an ultrasound. So right about now he's getting an ultrasound and some I.V. fluids. I'm exhausted all around, from staying up all night and worrying. I've been to the vet three times this week. They don't know what's wrong with him. That's the worst part. That and seeing him so sad and sleepy. We do have a pretty good method for cleaning up the puke, though.

We're both stressed and tired. The house smells slightly of bile. I want to get some sleep.

I Have a Paper Cutter

2007-01-06T17:12:00.000-08:00

Hello there world. Been a while. I thought I would take a break from reading The Onion and write a little note to the internets, my best friend!

Today we cleaned out the basement. We borrowed John's truck and sent a lot of stuff to Goodwill, stuff such as rugs and lampshades. Truly, it was time. Also I broke down all the cardboard boxes, many of which were covered with mildew and mold. But it looks good down there, my friends, it looks really good down in the basement.

Life news:

Class begins on Monday, 9 in the morning. I'm taking Life Painting, Ceramics, Pilates (!), and DIgital Photography. I'm getting really excited about Ceramics, because the last time I did any ceramics was in high school. I'm really into Community College. It is inexpensive! It is convenient! It is educational!

Charlie continues to do what he does: sleeps, eats, wakes us up in the morning, takes up half the bed, makes monster poops. He has a nice new collar.

I feel sick from being in the basement, the dusty, moldy, mildewy basement.

Dog Gymnastics

2006-12-06T13:58:00.000-08:00

I decided to give the eighty pound dog a bath today. Not because he absolutely needed one, but because it seemed like a good way to kill time. I had to train him to stand on the coffee table in our bathroom (don't ask why there is a coffee table in our bathroom) first, then to climb over the claw-foot tub. He smells wet now, and a little bit like lavender and oatmeal.

It is nice to have a friend like Charlie.

RIP Uncle Leon

2006-12-01T15:05:00.000-08:00

My Uncle Leon died last night. Sister called me just now to let me know. She and mom will be traveling Up State on Sunday to pay their respects. I would send flowers but I'm not sure to whom I would send them. Probably my mom, probably Uncle Kirk.

Uncle Leon was my mother's oldest brother. She and Kirk are twins, and I'm not sure which one is older of the two. Leon was in a nursing home, and has been for a while--he wasn't that old. Under sixty, I'm sure. Pneumonia.

I never spent much time with him; he was often off the radar, no phone line, or on a drinking binge, or I don't know what. Mom and I would drive to his house (he had a mechanic's garage out back, and he made money sometimes fixing trucks) and hope that he would be there. Sometimes he was, and he'd invite us in for coffee, or show us his pigs and ducks in the garden. Sometimes he wasn't, and we'd knock on the kitchen door, and wait, and look around, and go back to Aunt Amy's house. For a while he was married, and I remember pictures of his wife and her children, but I'm not sure if I'd ever met them.

I wonder if the disconnect I feel from my mother's side of the family is entirely my fault, as in it results from a defect in my personality and behavior that I'm not aware of. It is a strange unbridgeable gap. Because here I am, and I love them, and think about them, but know nothing about them really aside from births and deaths. I'm not even sure of all of their names, or ages, or how many cousins I have (although, to be fair, nobody is sure how many cousins there are). And also, they are half of my gene pool. I was visiting my mother's side of the family for the first time in five years when my father died.

I'm not sure how to end this. I'm going to call mom in a little while.

Rest in Peace, Uncle Leon.

Behind the Thesis: Who is Ruby Starr?

2006-11-27T23:12:00.000-08:00


This documentary investigates one Reed College senior's thesis process through the eyes of her professors, colleagues, and bandmates. You have unprecedented access to Ruby's Orals Boards, confessions of her former lovers, and even an exclusive interview with the elusive Starr herself.

Getting Ready

2006-11-17T11:54:00.000-08:00

I am mid menu-planning for the upcoming grand event in my life that is Thanksgiving. This year I'm using our Danger Train, the Basecamp home for life. It's great to put stuff on the private internet. Anyway, wow is that boring, but it's true. I just printed out the menu/ingredients list/recipe guide, and I'm going to read it over, add, subtract, meditate on what will be needed. Then, off to the grocery store to stock up (pun!) on root vegetables, winter squash, butter and other dairy goods, and wine and beer. (I'm getting a start on wine and beer.) Marian is coming to town tonight, Lindsay tomorrow night, Shauna Tuesday, and as far as I can tell, everyone else on Wednesday.

Basically, amigos, I am psyched.

Mild Anxiety, Eleven Thirty

2006-11-14T11:33:00.000-08:00

We got back late last night, before one, and now I'm still in bed. I plan on getting up. I truly do. I just don't want to go back to class today. And, Thanksgiving is so soon. I have not planned at all. I have no idea who's coming. It'll work itself out, I suppose.

Happy moment in the now with kitten

2006-10-27T22:18:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite things in the world is when an animal, a kitty with spots, a doggie with soft ears, rests its chin on my body, the full weight of its head. It can be even more intense when it's a friend, head on shoulder. Good times.

I'm so excited about Thanksgiving. The roommates are gone, mostly, and the house is messy, but it'll get better. I'm going to make two turkeys this year.

All in all, this tea is delicious.

Mainly about Temperature

2006-10-14T10:36:00.000-07:00

It is very cold in the house, very cold this morning. Charlie woke me up a little before nine--he doesn't understand the concept of the weekend, but then again I never explained it to him. I seem to wake up pretty early but can never really get out of the house before eleven. It is so gray today, and cold, just incredibly cold, so much so that I don't want to get dressed, I want to go back into bed. I'm making a hat.

Good morning starshine!

2006-10-10T09:07:00.000-07:00

Being mostly on my own, my internal clock has re-set, with me waking up earlier, going to bed earlier, eating dinner earlier. Charlie, of course, would prefer it if I got off of my ass and took him for a walk, and I intend to do that. Actually, yesterday was the first day I'd taken him for a walk in a while, as I'd been taking him in the car to the park. I'd forgotten about the park that is across the street. Isn't that strange? I thought that the only parks were at least a mile away. Anyway, he's curled up next to me, and Athena's on my knee, so I'm going to hang out a little longer right here.

It was so windy yesterday that our umbrella snapped in half and landed on the eucalyptus tree. Thank god there no Koalas were hurt.

Plans for the night

2006-10-07T20:30:00.000-07:00

Tonight is quiet, except for some sirens going by. I spent this morning cleaning the house, and then the rest of the day with Charlie, at different dog parks, and a little time at a coffee shop. Pretty boring. The cleanliness makes me feel better, like I can get more things done, more things I should. But soon I'll be making some karaoke magic. I hope. At the Alibi.

Chris is out of town, in Austin with his family, and it is stressful for him there, packing up his parent's house. I hope he has fun with Jeff and his brother.

Happy Update

2006-09-18T10:54:00.000-07:00

It is so gray here! I'm so excited about winter, those long dreary months of rain and mud, when all the gardens grow so green! I've had a lot of coffee today! Charlie and the cats are getting along! Athena sleeps in bed with us and Charlie. Sappho and Charlie kissed!

Tiny Splinters

2006-09-09T20:40:00.000-07:00

This is a good day for me. We took the doggie out on a long walk this morning, had some coffee, hung out with some friends. Then worked really hard on the backyard, and it is looking so beautiful. I'm proud of it. I feel so fortunate, with the best doggie and the best kitties in the whole world, and the best husband, too! Summer is winding down here, the sun says goodbye earlier every day, and it rained last night, so the plants were so happy. Sappho can walk again! With a limp, but she's doing it, and I'm proud. Athena ventures downstairs while the doggie sleeps, and contemplates just how she will murder him. In a sweet way. I have to go now, take a shower and get the tiny splinters out of my skin.

Update

2006-08-25T17:04:00.000-07:00

Sappho has been under the bed since last night, although every once in a while she pulls herself out and gets a drink of water or lets me pet her. Athena has been watching Sappho and falling asleep. Charlie is outside. Despite all of these companions, I feel pretty sad. Oh, well.

E.R.

2006-08-25T01:34:00.000-07:00

Chris and I just got back from five hours at Portland's 24 hour emergency pet hospital, Dove Lewis. It was a harrowing night, but so far, everything is going to be fine.

We were enjoying a seared tuna and eggplant grill-fest with Will, who is, I must say, so much fun, when Marissa came to the backdoor. She called me up to her and said "Sappho's on the front porch and I think something's wrong with her." She was right. Sappho was cowering in a corner of the porch, between the chair and the wall, and she was "Mao, mao mao, mao"-ing and couldn't stand up on her hind legs. I freaked out. Marissa got Chris, I put Charlie, our new dog in his kennel, got the kitty carrier, and called Dove Lewis (doing a Google Local search for it with tears and a highly rosy face). Then we got in the car, with Sappho in her carrier, and went.

The triage vet tech, once she saw how upset and in pain our little pumpkin was, took her in the back right away, to give her pain medication. Then, two and a half hours later, after waiting in the brightly lit and mild hectic waiting room (with Thomas Lauderdale (SP?) from Pink Martini, whose senior dog also couldn't stand up, but for different reasons), we got to see Sappho again.

Her pupils were so dilated from the drugs that it was easy to see the flash of green you see in a cat's eyes at night--that glow, so ghostly. She smelled bad--poop--but was quiet. She wanted to get in the smallest corner of the room. Our vet, a young woman with pink and brown hair and tattoos, was amazing, and kept apologizing for the wait. She recommended a radiograph and explained the situation.

It turns out, after a lot of tests, that she has a soft tissue injury on her back left leg. We have pain killers for her, and we have to watch or confine her for ten days. She's hiding under the bed right now, but I gave her a sardine to eat.

I sort of can't believe how hysterical I was, and how quickly I took care of a bunch of things, and how long Chris and I waited. (I sent him home at eleven to let Charlie out and check on Athena. They are both fine, though Athena is a little spooked.)

I'm home now, we all are, and I took a shower, and so did Chris, and I just want to go to sleep.

It's too early

2006-08-23T16:41:00.000-07:00

I'm at my local bar, :vendetta (yes, there is a colon there, and they mean it), drinking a beer. I just wanted to get out of the house, get away from cleaning for a bit, and eat some mac and cheese. I am on beer number two. It is a good beer.

I am very lonely in Portland. And I have to wonder what my problem is. Do you ever wonder what your problem is? Well, I miss my friends, the people who make me laugh and make me happy. I've been trying to make friends, but it's not working too well. I'm always thinking that these people aren't as great as my other friends, so what's the point?

Man, this is a lot of self-pity.

You know, this bar is pretty good, but I really don't like the bartender here. The one who isn't an owner. She's kind of mean. And lazy, and you can tell that she doesn't want to be here. She's too cool for this joint. She should get a job at the tube.

Vampire Schmampire

2006-08-22T23:57:00.000-07:00

I'm seriously seriously seriously starting to wonder what the fuck I'm going to do with my life. It's getting pretty old, right now.

I woke up with a sore back (more like the inside of my chest hurts) and drove Chris to work, ate a sandwich, bought a dress, and drove to Mount St Helens. Just, because, I had nothing to do, and I've been itching to get out of Portland. I felt better seeing the "Thank You For Visiting Oregon" sign. I pulled oven and picked a spot on the map (not a good map, really, but it's plastic so no worries about rippage): Lava Tube. That sounded awesome. Driving through rural Washington, I imagined tubes of lava, like the internet made real. Alas, there was but one tube, and onley a half tube, at that. See, the lava flowed down the mountain in one spot, and that made a tubular groove in the side of the mountain, and in the earth, too. The real thing was almost as beautiful as what I'd imagined. I took some photos, scrambled through some ash, saw a chipmunk or two, enjoyed the afternoon.

When I got home Chris was watering the front yard. Chris has been exhausted these past couple of days, whereas I am not tired. Actually I'm tired now, but I wasn't tired at 7:45, which is when he went to bed.

I gave myself a haircut tonight, so I no longer have a shaggy grown out mullet: I have a cute curly bob!

Holy Shit! I forgot! I saw "Snakes on a Plane"! What a funny fucking movie!

coffee cake

2006-08-13T22:09:00.000-07:00

I just made the yummiest coffee cake in America! Having no light brown sugar, I used white granulated sugar and added black strap molasses. I also had no pecans, so I used no nuts. I'm not a huge nut fan. Also, I made the crunchy topping last instead of first, which left me scrambling a bit towards the end. I'm not a big fan of reading the entire recipe before I whip the butter and sugar. I'm going to work on that, promise!

Also, my printmaking class is pretty amazing.

Last night I made some dinner from this book I'm reading. The recipes were somewhat medium, but that's what you get for making dinner from recipes in a novel-memoir, written by a lady who doesn't have any other cook book experience. I think that cook books are written as they are, with groups of people, and test kitchens, for a really excellent reason. In short, my pita bread was NOT VERY GOOD (too dry, too crispy), and the lamb koftas fell apart, and were mostly bland. This may be somewhat skewed due to the terrible sore throat and inability to taste/smell I suffered the last weekish. But as of this evening my throat is no longer sore, and my sense of smell is BACK.

The Strength record release party was the best show I've seen them play in forever! And this morning Chris and I rode our bikes down to the Bite of Oregon to see the Pants Machine play at 10 am! Pants Machine was great, Bite of Oregon was low to medium--but with an added bonus of Amac and her friend Amanda to the scene.

Also, my ukulele is even better!

2006-07-31T10:57:00.000-07:00

We spent the majority of the weekend at the PDX Pop Now! festival. It was pretty exciting, although by the end we were completely exhausted. My favorite shows were Quiet Countries, Strength, and Alan Singley and the Pants Machine. Now we're at Random Order, totally full from breakfast, and I feel like going back to sleep. I really like the art that's up here.

I want to start making art all the time. I want to start a band again with not so much music. Maybe Chris will want to go to Trade Up Music with me.

Get your hopes up

2006-07-26T13:14:00.000-07:00

There is a giant ditch in our backyard! It is from my incessant pacing, wearing down the earth. JK! Actually, some guys dug it, and also removed our driveway!

Today is an offical LazyDay (TM)! I might change the sheets on the bed and vacuum, or put up a hook somewhere, but I just don't want to run any errands. I'm going to be in school until 9:30 again tonight, so I think I might bring some dinner with me. I also need to come up with a plan for a drawing. I have not really considered it. I don't want to draw. But I do have to go to the store and get some shit for class. I don't want to run errands! I refuse!

Last night I made fish tacos and roasted squash and carrots for dinner. It was delicious, and Amac and Claire were here, which made it even better.

I've been reading a lot of Pacific Northwest Gardening books. They get to be kind of boring after a while! Soil this, soil that. Actually, I don't find them to be boring at all, just a little densely packed with information. I want to start a vegetable garden this fall. Right now we have a lot of empty dirt in the backyard (all of the sod is gone, thank Sod), but most gardening books say to wait until Autumn to start planting, because you don't want to use a lot of water to get them settled in. And it's been completely rainless this summer (almost), so we've been watering all of our plants. But I'm worried that weeds will take over if I don't start planting there pretty soon. Also, I'm supposed to ammend the soil so it's a little more welcoming to vegetative life. The soil in our backyard is sandy. I thought it would be clay, like the front yard, but I was wrong.

This is probably my best blog post ever.

No Recipe

2006-07-24T15:45:00.000-07:00

I am really looking forward to class tonight, because class is air-conditioned. I don't know if you know this about me, but heat makes me very irritable. I've been force acclimating myself by staying mostly upstairs, where the sweat starts pooling instantly. It is too hot up here to wear pants, or shorts, or pretty much anything. I am not looking forward to class because I need to put on some clothes.

Last night I saw a great show at the Food Hole, At Dusk and Alan Singley and Pants Machine and the other band who I didn't see. Altana and Jack were up from Austin, driving to Seattle, and we had a barbeque and I made gazpacho. It was great!

Kittens are Sweet

2006-07-18T12:05:00.000-07:00

It seems to me the more I have going on in my life the less time I have to sit down and write, but it's not exactly a matter of time, it's more a matter of not wanting to really sort things out in my head. As in, I'm dealing with all of these issues, and I'm mainly dealing with them alone, in my head, quietly; the only evidence that anything is going on may be my increased sensitivity and inability to fall asleep. I believe that one day I'll be able to get things to the point where I'll be capable of expressing my jumbled emotional tangle.

I get a real kick out of watching the cats sleep.

Printmaking class has made my life so much better. I'm doing something, making something, learning a new skill.

Two nights ago I plated an herb garden and re-potted almost all of my houseplants. Then Chris told me he didn't like gardening. News to me. How could you not like gardening?

Some things I did

2006-07-03T12:42:00.000-07:00

Chris and I went to see the Kelley and Jason Show last night at Holocene. Turns out that they were married at Holocene like we were married at Holocene! Amazing! The show was hilarious and I laughed and laughed.

Also we were supposed to go back to Alan's new/ex girlfriend's twenty first birthday party but we didn't go back.

I have class tonight! I hope it's good.

Another Month Another Wedding

2006-06-23T15:05:00.000-07:00

I'm lying in bed, in my skivvies, killing time until I put on my new black dress and multiple layers of undergarments and makeup and shoes. Steve and Holly are getting married today! I think it will be fun. I wonder if I'm going to cry? John is going to be my date, since Chris is in Chicago. I feel like I've hardly talked to Chris since I left for SF eight days ago. I wonder if we'll still like each other?

I'm all packed for tomorrow morning, and Marissa is going to drive me to the airport. I've been waking up early for a while, usually around 7:30 or 8. I blame the sun!

The plants are doing well. I watered everything yesterday. I'm excited for pumpkins!

3 Week-iversary!

2006-06-11T12:25:00.000-07:00

Today is exactly three weeks from the wedding, which is pretty amazing! (And I guess if you bet that Chris and I wouldn't last three weeks, you were wrong and owe someone a beer!) It's sunny today, the birds are chirping, and Shelley, Chris' mom, is in town, visiting her mother and organizing our kitchen. Mom's are pretty great, I think.

Yesterday was the first time I spent alone with Gwen, Chris' grandma. We had such a great time. I showed her how to use the water color set that Holly, her other daughter, had given her. We went for a walk and picked some leaves, and Gwen painted them. She's a really talented artist, and I basically just sat there and watched her paint and draw. I truly didn't want to leave (and go to work), and I stayed with her as long as I could.

Chris is camping on the river with Steve and twenty other dudes for Steve's Bachelor party. Steve is getting married to Holly in two weeks. This week I'm flying down to San Francisco to go camping with my ladies! I am so excited to spend my time with my friends.

People keep asking me what it's like to be married, and if it's any different. It is different. I like it. I feel like I'm on a team or something.

Get Hip!

2006-06-02T22:31:00.000-07:00

Since getting back to PDX, I've been doing whole lot of organizing and visiting Grandma. Chris' sweet grandma unfortunately fell and broke her hip after the wedding. So we've been going every evening to the rehab center to visit with her. She is a funny broad with some good stories.

I want to hang out with some kids, though. I miss the kids.

I'm covered in tiny splinters!

2006-05-30T12:51:00.000-07:00

The question becomes: What to do? I've been working in the garden so far, putting down some mulch, planting, getting the garbage in order. It's such a lovely day! Also, I'm trying to figure out what kind of tree that Critter, Russel, and Rachel gave us. I don't want to plant a tree that will grow to be 30 feet tall right next to the house, or to the power lines!

Also! I got a new bike today! It is turquoise and you pretty much sit straight up when you ride it, and it has big fat tires and fenders! I am happy because I never liked my old bike (it wasn't even one I chose: I had inherited it from Marian, because Amanda had left it at Marian's house for six months or something, and Marian had been borrowing my bike while I was living in France and it got stolen outside the Lloyd Center). It is a pretty sweet bike, and I'm looking forward to more rides on a bike with working gears and brakes.

We also need to fix the roof and put up some gutters before winter sneaks back into town.

I'm going to take Intro to Printmaking this summer!

I am sitting outside on the bench that mom got us for the wedding, and it is so nice!

Back in town

2006-05-29T22:37:00.000-07:00

I feel pretty well rested right now, after having some of the busiest, and most wonderful, weeks of my life.

I went salt water fly fishing in Tofino, Canada, and actually really liked it. But what's not to like? Catching some fish (and allowing them to live), seeing a seal or two, spotting a bald eagle, drifting--all of it is good! We also went to the hotsprings, and although there was no room between the Chinese and German and Americans to soak, we did have a lovely walk through the rainforest, and we saw a lot of gray whales, and eight pelicans. We took a nap on the dock, until a float plane woke us up by almost landing on us! We also ate a lot of smoked salmon (today is my first day with absolutely no smoked salmon).

Getting married was probably the best day of my life so far. I remember it all! I wish I had had more time to talk with everyone, and to dance more. Thing is, there was a lot of love in that big room, and I think I understand why people have weddings. Marian did the most amazing job of marrying us. People laughed, people cried, people did the Hokey Pokey! Claire and I sang that cheesey song from Dirty Dancing! Chris sang "Something in the Way She Moves" but didn't know the words, so everyone else sang along with him. I sang "White Wedding" of course.

I was overwhelmed, I was stressed out, I was angry, but it was worth it. Totally.

My House Is Filling Up With People

2006-05-20T16:21:00.000-07:00

They are all really nice but I just want to go to sleep! I did this to myself. I know. I know I did!

I am out of it

2006-05-16T10:34:00.000-07:00

Mom arrives today. We gotta go and pick her up at the airport. I stayed home last night cleaning the guest room for her while Chris went out to see the boys back from tour.

It has been in the 90s the past few days. But our yard looks nice.

HELOOOO!

2006-05-14T12:49:00.000-07:00

We are one week away (that's exactly seven days) from the big day! That's CRAZY! I mean, seriously nutso. C-dawg and I have been on ultra cleaning/organizing blitz. His parents and my mom are staying at the house for a few days, which will be nice but honestly I bet it will be just a bit more hectic. The bonus is that mothers usually like to tidy and clean.

Marian called us this morning to read us the ceremony she'd written. We put her on speaker phone in between us, where the kitties usually sleep, and it was so sweet.

There are a lot of loose ends to tie up at the moment, but we're getting there. Slowly.

The best part about this is that my dear friends, most of who live far far way, have been so helpful and kind and generous!

Throat Attack!

2006-05-04T14:57:00.000-07:00

I've been attacked by some anonymous throat dwelling bug--and only on my right tonsil! So strange! The whole right side of my neck has been swollen for over a week now. It is pretty hot.

I am not "freaking out" so much as "having trouble sleeping" when I think of all the things I have yet to do, such as buy rings, wine, grill, make favors, find a florist. It's kind of exciting. I thought that I had it all under control, but I do not have it under control. It is good that I have no job, but it is bad that I've been running a fever for the past three days.

This whole Bride thing is not really my style. Because, well, it seems to focus so much on how I look! I mean, if you've seen me in the morning, or afternoon, or recently, you can tell that that is really not high up on my list. It doesn't really make my list at all. But, thing is, right now it does make my list, and that list is LONG.

The florist thing is turing out to be pretty anxiety provoking. Because, we are less than three weeks away and the lady I thought would be our florist has not returned my call. I am going to call her now.

Don't Give Up on Love (Because Love Won't Give Up on You)

2006-04-20T12:46:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think I need to pick a career. I think that writing inspirational essays and memoirs and novels might be a good one. Some stuff about the "Truth of Angels (and Why They Love You)" or "Every Single One of You Gets to go to Heaven." "Chicken Soup for the Vegan Soul." "Love Isn't (Just) for Suckers."

I mean, I really used to think that I was going to be some sort of writer when I grew up.

It's Sunny Out There

2006-04-18T13:20:00.000-07:00

Life at a coffee shop, slowly digesting a sandwich, forced to listen to some music I never liked that much, it is not so bad. The wedding is in four weeks and three days. We finally booked the honeymoon. We're going to Canada! I wonder if it's going to be really boring. It looks beautiful. The nearest town is Tofino, which seems really small. Maybe it'll feel like Northern Exposure or something.

In other news, I registered for school next quarter. I will be taking some classes that I am afraid of. Mostly Science.

I'm getting antsy. This weekend is a trip halfway to San Francisco.

Too Nice Outside

2006-04-12T16:27:00.000-07:00

It's so sunny and warm today! So sunny and warm that I decided to make chicken stock, baba ganoush and hummus! And clean the kitchen and mop the floor! Now the dishwasher is running and I'm reading about enviromentally responsible wedding bands.

I'm not sure what else to do today. Maybe eat something delicious!

Lamesters

2006-04-07T13:02:00.000-07:00

Last night we went to Steve's Birthday Party after eating a mildly disappointing Tibetan dinner. The party was very fun, and we had a few beers, ate some gummy bears, talked about eloping. Eloping is my secret dream. I don't know if you knew that already, but I have this fantasy where Chris and I go to Voodoo Donuts or Las Vegas and just get married, and enjoy ourselves, and maybe invite a few friends and our parents. Simple, fun, fast. Holly brought up the idea of a double elopement (she and Steve are getting married in June)--and it made me so happy to hear that I'm not the only one who wants to elope.

I've been looking at some pictures of NY hipsters on the internet. Man, they are just like Portland hipsters, but to an extreme! I'm going to have to accept that I'm a hipster--and probably have been for a while--but lately, here's the thing. Lately, I am a Lamester! I don't like going to shows (too many people), I do like dive bars, but I also like swank fancy pants bars. I go to the gym that the hipsters go to (did you think they got so skinny simply by smoking cigarettes and disdaining things? No, hipster are in love with the elliptical machine), but my work out clothes are from TARGET! Essentially, I feel a little too lame to be a hipster--I can't be bothered to dress up like one or wear the fancy shoes. (I've been wearing the same sneakes for six months now--and they are not converse or vans.)

I think the hipsters are admirable, mainly because they put so much effort into what they wear, how their hair looks, what they listen to, etc etc. I just can't be bothered.

Happy Day!

2006-04-05T18:20:00.000-07:00

I realize that my last post was sort of depressing. But I was really angry. Mainly because Chris forgot to call me when he was out really late. I have trouble sleeping when I don't know when or if someone is going to get into bed with me.

I'm learning to program Ruby, still. I get stuck every once in a while and think "I can't do this, this is too confusing." But so far I've been able to power through with Chris's help.

Today was alright. Went to the gym (fed the pythons), put in some laundry, wrote some eensy programs. I'm at a coffee shop with Amanda and we're on different couches.

This is a beautiful time of the year to live in Portland.

Day Light Savings Time

2006-04-02T04:37:00.000-07:00

My neck is tense, my throat aches, I can't calm my heart down. I have not felt this angry, physically angry, in a long long time. I want to get a good night's sleep--that's what I wanted earlier this evening. Now it's 4:37 in the morning and I am wide awake.

It would have been so easy, so simple, and really, so decent, to avoid this anger.

It's like mom always said. "Same shit, different day."

Great Outdoor Fight

2006-03-30T11:31:00.000-08:00

I'm a big fan of Achewood--but really, who isn't? But this latest storyline has been a thing of absolute beauty: The Great Outdoor Fight. I think that you need to read it, because it is really the best thng ever.

Embracing the Future (As a Concept)

2006-03-29T11:18:00.000-08:00

I think that I don't use enough jargon. In my blog, in my life, in my cooking. More jargon. I'm going to come up with some "power words" (pow-words?) and develop a whole life philosophy, and then market it.

I'm thinking about starting a new blog. And get this--it's going to be about learning to program! I'm surrounded by programmers, and I don't even know what it means to program. So, I thought to myself, it's time to figure out what the hell my boyfriend does all day long. And then maybe I could make something! Of my life!

Oh! Exciting! I went to Copynight last night, and it was a lot of fun. Seriously. There were a lot of lawyers there, and I learned that I could get sued for linking to a website from my blog, unless I am commenting on it. Actually, I feel more confused about copyright law than before, but I think it's mainly because I just think that I should be able to do whatever I want on the internet, because it's the INTERNET for chrissakes! Come on, people!

Sappho is drinking unsweetened organic soymilk from my cereal bowl. I swear, that cat has boundary issues. That is MY soymilk, cat.

Sunny morning

2006-03-28T11:08:00.000-08:00

Greg brought lattes over this morning--like he usually does when he picks up Chris to go to Less Distracted. How to describe what Less Distracted (LD) is like? Remember when you were between the ages of seven and eleven, and you would make-believe that your backyard was a magical kingdom, and you were a double agent ninja princess, and the patio was your castle and the swingset was where the evil spies were? LD is a place where you can pretend that you're in an internet start-up circa 1997, with your very own desk! I like to think of it as "playing office" or "playing cubicle." That's what it feels like to me, although I know they do get a lot of work done while they're there.

I'm going to go to the gym today. I'm excited because today is lower body day, and my legs are by far the strongest part of my body. (For instance, I can bench press maybe 30 pounds, but I can leg press over two hundred easily.) Weight lifting makes me feel stronger and I can see progress everytime I go in. I've also decided to change my cardio routine. I am doing more treadmill and less eliptical. I don't like running, but if I put the treadmill at a really high incline and walk at a fast pace I get totally sweaty. I like to think of it as training for San Francisco. Pseudo-hills.

2006-03-25T22:54:00.000-08:00

Hello! Well, it's been a while, hasn't it?

So, basically, after the big invitation push, wedding planning has been smoother. There's still the whole "ceremony" thing to be worked out. Aisle? Vows? That sort of thing. But, as the RSVPs roll in, I'm starting to get a little bit excited about the party part. It's nice, because I know that people I love and care about are going to be there. Chris's Aunt Holly sent us a package with a DVD of Chris's cousin's wedding, and a beautiful bracelet. It has pictures of vintage brides.

It's also tax season. I don't have a problem with taxes, as an idea. But doing taxes scares me a bit. I met with my German Tax Lady. She is wonderful, if a little bit strange. One of the first things she asked me, in a German accent, was, "What are your dreams?" It was disconcerting. I mean, I want to get my taxes done, and she's asking me what my dreams are. And she uses a lot of German: numbers, names, relationships, exclamations. I left her office feeling dizzy. Also, inspired. She's good, though, at what she does.

Tonight we made dinner together: turkey meatloaf with broccoli and greens, spinach salad with dried cranberries and blue cheese (Lindsay's mom's recipe). It was a good combo pack, although the meatloaf could've been better. We made it up, so of course it was off. But it has potential.

I was on the back porch, looking in on the house, and thought, we painted the kitchen, we painted the living room. It made me feel good, seeing something that we did together and thinking it was beautiful.

Just wanted to let you know

2006-03-21T13:01:00.000-08:00

I am seriously considering spending over $200 on personalized m&ms.

War leaves long lasting effects

2006-03-21T00:03:00.000-08:00

This was really touching.

Good Morning!

2006-03-20T10:14:00.000-08:00

I woke up in such a happy mood today! I am still in a good mood. I think it is because Chris and I spent a long time organizing the office and gettting our tax information ready. Although, I did have a nightmare that the wedding was tonight and we didn't have a DJ.

Actually, this weekend was really great, mainly because Chris and I spent a lot of time doing things together. We even went to the gym.

I still don't have a wedding cake. And there are still some people to whom I need to send invitations. But . . . so much is done!

The loudest knock in the world

2006-03-13T08:33:00.000-08:00

Lindsay's dog Sedna is barking, the house is shaking, and a knock, a loud series of knocks is coming from the front door. It is most definitely pre-wake up time for the house. After knock number 15 or so (note: the knocks only get louder as they move forward in time) I roll out of bed, disturbing cats, and as I walk downstairs, and Marissa is coming out of her room, I see man through the window in the door. Thinking it's Lindsay's medication, I open it up.

"I'm sorry, I see you guys aren't up yet. I saw the mattress in your backyard. I haul things away, and I was wondering if you'd want me to take it for you?"

"No, thank you."

I close and lock the door, put Sedna back in with Lindsay, and go back upstairs. In bed, I think about all the other things I could've said. I am angry. Mostly, I am stunned. You do not knock loudly on a stranger's door at seven in the morning unless: their house is on fire; their door was left opened and you don't want them to get robbed/cold; you are delivering something (preferably breakfast). I just happened by and saw something that maybe you don't want and I thought you could pay me to take it off your hands is not one of those reasons.

Almost Recovered!

2006-03-11T14:40:00.000-08:00

Status: On bed, with cats.

I decided to pull everything out of the bedroom closet this afternoon. It has been basically a catch-all closet for the longest time, ever since the rod collapsed from the weight of our style. I've stopped in the middle, am currently stopped, to check on my NetNewsWire. I'm not checking my email again. It's all the way up to 27 unread emails. Most of them are stupid anyway. I hate email. Anyways, I'm going to finish cleaning the closet, which means putting things back in it in a new order. Huh-huh, I just said "new order"!

Chris thinks that Grey's Anatomy is on iTunes, but I've checked. It is not. Desperate Housewives is on iTunes. Knight Rider is on iTunes (did you hear about Hasselhof getting drunk and beating up his wife? Allegedly?)! Although, there is a Grey's Anatomy Official Podcast. Who wants to listen to that?

It is fairly cold here, and it's even been snowing for the past couple of days. Nothing big, and nothing sticking in our neck of the woods (how provincial), but snow in March?

At breakfast this morning we were next to this table of two ladies, late twenties. The one speaking directly into my ear canal (her mouth was at a right angle to my ear hole) kept talking, loudly about Spinning? Like, the class? With the bikes? And the guy who yells at you? If he sees you slacking off? And everything she said? Was in the form of a question? Like, when she was training? For her triathalon? Or how hard weight-lifting is?

It's bad enough that her intonation was so annoying--like a really well designed fire alarm. But the worst part was that she was a loud talker. She had, like, no inside voice?

What's so bad about Toxins, anyway?

2006-03-09T11:14:00.000-08:00

Ah, yes, if you didn't already know, I am on a detox diet. It is the beginning of day three for me. I've eaten: steamed vegetables, quinoa, juice, herbal tea, water, and chicken breast (I needed some protein). I've been fantasizing about cooking a real meal, sauteeing onions and garlic, buttering toast, roasting lamb. Something significant. I've been threatening to give up, to eat some real food again. But I never do. I'm starting to like my food.

Why am I doing this? I am sick and tired of holiday tummy every day. I have had no holiday tummy for the past few days. I have, however, been sleeping almost constantly.

I rub your belly!

2006-03-06T14:11:00.000-08:00

It's time for me to do something else today. I've made some calls, sent some emails, read some blogs.

For the longest time I didn't read any blogs except those my buddies wrote. Lindsay, Greg, Chris, Shouting at Each Other, Cary, Greg's Dad, Chris's Dad, and Claire and Marian (both of who stopped blogging a long time ago). And also Boing Boing, and Waiter Rant. Now I've found some neat feminist blogs by some smart women who do some awesome things: Granny Gets a Vibrator, I Blame the Patriarchy, as well as this awesome lady in Canada who has a whole comprehensive site about women and weight lifting called Stumptuous.

I just wanted to let you know what I was up to. Oh, and the Oscars totally blew last night. Amazingly boring, and made me feel little respect for the Hollywood Establishment (excepting Felicity Huffman and George Clooney). Poor Jon Stewart. That was an awful night for him. And is it just me, but do the starlets look like they've been stretched out on the Rack? And what's up with Reese Witherspoon winning Best Actress? Or Crash, for that matter?

I am going to pump some IRON!

lingering illness

2006-03-05T11:38:00.000-08:00

Everyone is still sick in the house, except for the kid, who is enamored of buttons on the computer. "I typing!" "Me type!"

Today is Sunday. I think I might enjoy some juice.

I've been pretty down in the dumps lately. I'm going to have more coffee.

meh

2006-03-02T11:52:00.000-08:00

I'm working on the wedding. It kind of gets exciting, but equally frustrating. It's tough to have to entertain a bunch of people.

Whatever.

Impeach-Minty!

2006-03-01T12:28:00.000-08:00

This is not a political blog--I'm just not that into (writing about) politics--but I've been reading so much about impeachment lately that it's disturbing. Why? Because, when Clinton got a blow job everyone jumped onto the impeachment bandwagon, but when we have PROOF that the current President has been breaking the law, it seems to me that no matter how many Harper's cover stories are written, or how Garrison Keillor feels about it, it's just not gonna happen. Why? Because we're LIBERALS, which means that it doesn't matter what we say about W. I would love to impeach George W Bush! He's earned it! But I don't believe it will happen.

In other news, I feel almost completely better, except for my nose skin, which is dry and flaky.

Bed-In

2006-02-28T14:44:00.000-08:00

It's almost three in the afternoon and I'm still in bed. Athena has been under the covers for a couple of hours, keeping my foot area heated. The new coat rack was delivered today. The box it came in is huge, and I don't want to break it down because I think it would be cool to make it into a toy for Innana.

My golden Birthday was pretty boring. I was sick, Chris was sicker, and I stayed in. My congestion has not gone away, and I find it hard to move around for more than fifteen minutes. So, I'm staying in bed. Tomorrow will be a new day. I plan on feeling one hundred percent then.

B Minus 5

2006-02-21T15:34:00.000-08:00

5 days until the big 26, the most important birthday of my life.

Alexia has tickets, Lindsay has tickets, Marian has tickets! I can't wait to get out of town, myself, seriously.

I had a tuna melt after sleeping in after drinking 4 beers last night with Paul. I won nothing at bingo, again, and I am starting to believe that I will never win at bingo. At least the stupid bingo song isn't in my head.

Gritty French Press

2006-02-20T11:32:00.000-08:00

I'm at the bottom of my cup and it's sludge, bad bad sludge. I like French Press in principle, but I prefer my coffee drip-style. It's how momma drank it.

Speaking of momma, she just keeps getting sicker and sicker. It seems like every six months or so she gets diagnosed with a new thing. Most recently, diabetes. Which is why I'm going to the gym!

I played the drums last night. It was super fun. I'm going to try to get Will to give me some lessons.

The wedding invitations should be done before too long, and then it'll be time to address them. There's a lot of rules about addressing invitations. Stupid stupid rules.

Alright. That's all for now. If you want to help address some invitations, I'll buy you some beer.

New Schedule

2006-02-17T10:09:00.000-08:00

No longer having a job that requires me to be up until the wee hours of the morning, I find myself crawling into bed around 10:30 or eleven, with a book. I wake up around eight or nine, well-rested and feeling groovy. It's amazing and almost everynight when I get into bed I start laughing. Why the hell am I in bed so early?

I have a whole day free (again) until dinner time, so I think I'm going to exercise and go grocery shopping. I love being boring!

Aimless Amysue--No More!

2006-02-15T19:57:00.000-08:00

When was the last time I wrote anything? Seems like a long time ago, but who knows? I've decided what I want to do with my life (psychiatric nurse practitioner), I've hung out with a two year old, I've cried for practically no reason, I've planted seeds that are now seedlings, I've made ice cream and cake and cobbler and dinner foods, too. Tonight Marissa made "noodles" (the word for any pasta dish--this was angel hair and red sauce--classic) and then fell asleep (she was feeling sick) so Innana and I hung out for a bit, and ate dinner together, and watched Powerpuff Girls.

We went for a walk to the big park on Fremont and 7th this afternoon. There were a couple of kids, a few doggies, and some fast slides. Then we got some fried chicken at the new conveinence store on Alberta. The chicken was good.

I've been, strangely, very happy lately. Happy about making good decisions, happy about my living situation, life goals, quitting, getting along with my ex-boss. The flip side--the strange side--is that I'm not sure what to do with being happy. I'm so unused to it that my moods are sharp. I've also been drinking myself into a stupor a lot less. The down side is aimless Amysue, not using her free time effectively.

not enough tv

2006-02-07T12:10:00.000-08:00

In the "Great Unemployment of 2006" there is a dearth (is that a word?) of television watching. I've played board games with new friends, I've played bingo, sang karaoke, started a new book, drawn a picture of my giant hand bruise, done laundry, made some juice, but I haven't been watching TV hardly at all--not even DVDs! Part of the problem is that there aren't enough seasons of "The Vicar of Dibley." The other part of the reason is that the TV room is filled with laundry that needs to be put away and I don't want to go in there because it makes me angry.

I've been trying to keep up with the sleeping schedule of my cats, but it is nearly impossible to sleep so much. The first few days of not working were cake, but now I am not tired.

Happy Birthday Greg!

bake-a-thon

2006-02-05T13:20:00.000-08:00

I'm in bake-mode. I just pulled some banana marionberry muffins out of the oven. Last night I made an ice cream brownie cake for Chris's Birthday, and I made everything from scratch. I bet you we'll eat it later.

birthday

2006-02-04T13:46:00.000-08:00

Today is Chris's Birthday and we are much aglow with prospects for rable rousing! We might go to Target! Who knows? Anything could happen!

On another note, we met Kelly and Jason from "Meet the Neighbors with Kelly and Jason" from "Noboto!" It was amazing, because we are big fans of Kelly and Jason. They played a show last night with Caught in Candy and Copy, and I thought they were great. Except the power kept going out. That was funny. Amanda was there with us and we had a lot of fun. Then we went to Bar Pastiche and then we went to Pix and then we went home. (I really wanted a ghetto cake.)

Meghan called this morning and I miss her.

I have plans for a delicious cake, but I need to find a recipe.

late night

2006-02-03T13:22:00.000-08:00

We were up really late last night moving the studio into the basement. But it looks really good and Marissa's room is clean and empty.

It's gray and bland outside, as far as I can tell, and I would rather not leave the house, but I'm supposed to go to Home Depot. Don't want to go.

Keep it REAL!

Unemployment: Day Two

2006-01-31T13:48:00.000-08:00

Chris has been teasing me about my unemployment, sending me links to articles about early retirement, asking me what my plans are for my retirement, etc. Today is only my second day not working (hello, this is like a WEEKEND). So far, I've managed (it's fun to use that word) to run some errands, hang out with Marissa and Inanana (we got cheese pizza), watch The Vicar of Dibley and Born into Brothels, read some books, look at pictures of someone else's life on the internet, go grocery shopping, think about making muffins, think about taking a walk (but it will not stop raining). It can be difficult to be partnered with someone who does so much all of the time.

I've been thinking about setting some goals for myself. I'm sure I'll get around to it.

I could stay here forever

2006-01-27T14:02:00.000-08:00

I've been bitten by the bed bound lazy bug lately. It's gray and drizzling outside, and it's two pm and I'm still in bed. I've been awake since ten before Chris left, but my guns, as it were, have been stuck to.

I've been bittten by the book bug as well. I'm on my second book in three days. I used to, honestly, read all the time, never stop reading, and I'm feeling the trap again, the lure of hiding in a world someone else made up but you're building. I love reading and "On Beauty" was amazing, and "Prep" is almost too narcissistic for my liking. (If you want to know what boarding school was like, for whatever reason, this is pretty good. I've been thinking about school and about my friends from back then.) "On Beauty" made me depressed because it made me think about how unloyal people can be (men, especially) not always because they're mean spirited or selfish, but because they're weak and susceptible to moments and moods and others. There are all types of infidelity.

So, the big news is that I've decided to leave my job. It was not, honestly, a good job for me. Not a good fit. And, here's the truth of it, it made me miserable. For many reasons. I'm terrified, though, because I've had this job, worked for this company, for over two years, and some of my closest friends, some of my favorite people, work there, and I imagine, will continue to work there. Whereas I will be . . . somewhere else?

I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I'd like to spend some time with my friends and visit my family. I bought a sketchbook on sale at an art store on Burnside, and I think I'll start carrying it around with me. Plan the wedding. Paint again, practise piano, clean the bathrooms. I feel unmoored and uncertain, but I'm begining to feel like I'm going to be happy again.

It seems silly to focus on happiness, to me, because there are so many more noble things to focus on. Hard work, helping others, whatever. Above all, it seems selfish and bespeaks of a weakness of character to be primarily concerned about happiness. But here I am, remembering this letter my Dad wrote me freshman year of college, and he signed off "Be HAPPY! Love, DAD" (there was a smiley face in the triangle of the upper case "A" in DAD). And, as happens, I suspect, to things that people write or do soon before they die (especially if it is an unexpected death), this letter has become a strange beacon in my life. No matter what my feeling towards my father and his parenting, this one letter, and really, just how he ended it, is something I think about a lot. (It seemed to me that Dad was not very concerned with happiness when I was growing up, it seemed. He was more concerned that I do well in school, that I stick things out even if I hate them, he was mostly concerned with character. Mom, however, encouraged me to follow my happiness.) I think about "Be HAPPY!" and wonder, deep down, if it's possible. But, I also know that I'm going to have to do it. Because "Be HAPPY!" doesn't mean "Cheer up!" or "Look on the bright side for once!" It means "Seek out your joy, don't just let life happen to you , do something!" At least, I think that's what it means.

Headache

2006-01-20T14:50:00.000-08:00

I have a weird little headache today, making it painful to move my head to quickly, or to focus on anything for too long.

I am looking forward to a few things in the next few months: Marian visiting for my birthday; a Reality Party that we're going to have here; Lindsay visiting in March; Marissa and Inanana moving in (Inanana is almost 2, Marissa is almost 29); adopting a puppy!

Three Ingredient Rule

2006-01-18T15:21:00.000-08:00

Our trip to Austin was very relaxing. It was pretty typical of a vacation, where at the end you're pretty tired of being on vacation.

I made this juice yesterday: tomatoes, ginger, garlic, celery, turnips, parsley, and carrot. It was very tough to drink because it was so bitter. Chris told me that I should only use three ingredients until I've mastered all of the types of juice, then I can move on. I think that's pretty wise. So I bought a juicing book at the grocery store. It's glossy with pretty pictures and it's easy to use. It lists ingredients by weight, which is great because I have a kitchen scale now. There was a recipe for juice that I liked, so I made it. I didn't have any pommegranite seeds so I used a pear instead. It was 4 oz cucumber, 8 oz kiwi, 10 oz (one small) pear. Really good, and a delicious green color.

I've spent the better part of the past two days cleaning the house and moving furniture. When Chris finished working last night he cleaned up the front room, and I even went in there today to pet Sappho. I moved the "master" bedroom into the "TV" room. It's relaxing. The colors are soothing, and there's not as much stuff. All of our clothes are staying in the other room for now. This room is smaller, brighter, and quieter. The kitties are sitting in here with me--there's some lovely afternoon sun--while I type in my chair with my juice. I put the kitty bed on the bottom shelf of one of those corner shelves from Ikea, and Sappho loves it there.

Ready to fly?

2006-01-11T23:49:00.000-08:00

actually not so much, but in the morning Chris and I are going south, to the SOUTH, to Austin, Texas. We have not yet packed, but we have a ride to the airport, and I finished all of our laundry, and got a haircut.

I always get nervous that the flight will be the end of me. Terrible scary fear of a crash or whatnot. It's usually fine, but I always go around thinking: This may be the last time I (fill in blank). Depressing.

Good news: I feel much better about my job, and Amanda is booking a room for the wedding.

I am hungry!

And, if I don't make it back, remember me fondly, and know that I probably love you a lot.

Flu Flu

2006-01-08T13:51:00.000-08:00

I've been extra busy at work, because in the past three days three people have some down with the flu, or something like it. The upside is that I've made more money, the downside is that I have a lot of catching up to do before Chris and I go to Texas.

Greg and Chris spent some time yesterday working on the wedding, much like it was another programming project: good thing. Then, when I came home from work, Chris was in the basement, cleaning it. CLEANING THE BASEMENT! It takes so little to make me happy.

Also, for Christmas, I got myself something I've wanted since first seeing the infomercial when I was ten. A juicer! I've used it so many times, and I love it. Juice is the best.

The cats are spread out on the bed, one on either side of Chris's legs, and last night Chris slept diagonally across the bed, leaving me almost no room.

Monkey Business

2005-12-29T15:25:00.000-08:00

This has been quite an exhausting emotional roller coaster type week for me: a sad, lonely, ill Christmas (but I'm usually sick on Christmas); emotional meetings with my bosses at (that ended up being good); considering adding two humans to our household (a lady and her baby); thinking about getting a puppy (not until after we get back from Austin); seriously considering not having the wedding (but eloping--we decided, after talking with Chris's mom, to have it); hearing that my aunt thought she wasn't invited to the wedding (which is funny, because, technically, as of yet, no one has been invited to the wedding); sending an email to my brother and sister about my feelings and getting chided for it because I sent it to my sister's work email (well, that was a flub, sending it to her there, but she's told me many times that she doesn't check her other email addresses). The list goes on and on. But maybe the good things that happened should be mentioned more thoroughly:

A pleasant yet goofy Christmas/Hanukkah Eve with Ethan and Greg playing Scrabble and then Monopoly. Ethan made the most delicious cookies.

Christmas Night at Steve and Holly's house, watching some TV, watching Tatum spin around on the floor.

My awesome Christmas present from Chris.

Sleeping in and making really good, fluffy, crisp, buttermilky pancakes and strong coffee.

Delicious roast leg of lamb with cauliflower, potato, carrot and leek oven pan roast side.

Watching the "Vicar of Dibley" Season One from Netflix. This is a very funny show. Dawn French is a genius. I wish I were more like her.

Talking with mom.

Talking with Marian and Shauna.

Hearing Alexia's family in the background.

Keeping most of my plants alive.

Not smoking for six days.

So, not a terrible week, all things accounted for.

I am angry with my family, and my throat really hurts

2005-12-26T00:37:00.000-08:00

My family didn't call me this year. I am really upset with them. My friends called me. What is wrong with my family? How did we get to be such distant brats? If dad were still alive this shit never would've happened. The thing that bugs me the most is that I know they were all together in the same place for hours, and I called them all, and no one fucking thought to call me. That is bullshit.

This was mostly a shitty, lonely Christmas this year. Chris got me a wonderful present.

Lost my voice

2005-12-24T12:00:00.000-08:00

I can't really speak today. My voice has disappeared. It doesn't hurt too much, but it's annoying.

Also, we need to buy some groceries, and I haven't gotten Chris a present yet. Not really.

My Gmail Email Game

2005-12-21T17:27:00.000-08:00

I'm playing the Gmail Email game with myself.
*What? To see how many unread messages I can have in my Inbox.
*Who? Me.
*When? Over the last few days.
*Where? On the internet.
*How? By not opening up new messages in my Inbox.
*Why? I am bored, and I am sick of email, and most of it is crap.

I'll be the first to admit that this is a Lame Game. It's not even a game at all. I just don't want to see the number go down. I'm at 20 already. I have been reading some emails.

Yes. I cannot believe it, either.

Vimeo

2005-12-21T14:21:00.000-08:00

I read about this video sharing service on a Portland Blog That I Read (thanks to Greg). I looked around at it and I think it's pretty neat, so I signed up. You can see my profile here. Of course, Chris already has a profile, he always beats me by four months. It feels a lot like Flickr--good thing. But a lot of people use Revver tags on their videos so they can make money through advertising. I have to wonder, though, how do these sites make money? Is this the whole "Web 2.0" thing that I don't understand? I kind of understand how Google makes money, but does anyone really click on ads? I mean, I do sometimes, but I've never ever bought anything that way. I love the internet, I love creating content and sharing it with my friends (and a handful of other people who may or may not give a damn), but on some level, I wonder how these people are making any money. I know that Flickr has Pro accounts, and I've been in the room while Greg and Chris argue about how Music for Dozens will make money. (It turns out that the original method, burning CDs and shipping them, is still what keeps them in the black.)

I've been very concerned about money lately because that's the main focus of my job. Unlike being a server, I'm thinking about money not in terms of me (tipping) but in terms of the whole business (sales, paying vendors, ordering beer, cutting hours, labor). Business seems so straight forward, but even in a restaurant, it's not cut and dry. It stresses me out in an entirely new way. Now, if someone complains about the service, I get freaked out, because we need their money.

And Christmas is coming and everyone I know is either getting sick, sick, or getting over being sick.

ICE STORM!

2005-12-18T14:05:00.000-08:00

It is sleeting right now, and some snowflakes are twinkling down. I made sure to go to the grocery store before the weather happened, and it started to sleet as soon as I pulled up to the house.

I don't want to go to work. It is dangerous out there, and Chris is in Washington.

Me Make Movie

2005-12-17T12:39:00.000-08:00

I decided to make a cooking show and put it on the internet. You can get it on iTunes, still under Amysue Sings a Song.

The first "episode" or maybe it's better to call it a "teaser" is called "Glasses."

I plan to do some cooking pretty soon. Maybe on Tuesday. I'd like to have some people over and then we could eat food together.

This is my plan to become world famous. I will be bigger than Tina Fey!

Unicorn! UNICORN!

2005-12-13T22:31:00.000-08:00

OMG Chris made this you need to look at the real page and get off your high holy horse RSS feed ass.

Chris actually "stole" it.

love

I'm here!

2005-12-07T14:38:00.000-08:00

It took about 3.5 hours door to door!

I'm sitting on the floor in Shauna's room, which is bright red. A really pretty red.

I'm so happy to be here with my buddies! I saw Marian's office, and it's pretty cubical.

I think that "cubical" is the new "tubular." For my generation, at least!